The Daily Show’s host, comedian Trevor Noah suggests Donald Trump is “trolling” America when he selects the US’s top officials. “It’s almost like before Trump hires anyone, he googles ‘opposite of’ and then just gets that person,” Noah said, adding: “Almost every person in his cabinet wants to destroy the thing they’ve put been put in charge of.” 

That explains Trump pointing to Ted Malloch for US ambassador to Europe. Not willing to wait patiently for the people of Europe to decide if they’d like to dismantle the EU, President Trump found an envoy who’s happy to begin bashing away at it even before he officially has the job of acting as emissary. 

Making Theodore Roosevelt Malloch the US ambassador to Europe is akin to hiring an arsonist to guard a forest. An ambassador is, after all a diplomatic official of the highest rank sent by a government to represent it on a temporary mission. Malloch, named for a distant relation, is being rewarded for, among other services, comparing Trump to his famous forbearer, which is rather a stretch. Teddy Roosevelt is remembered for two things quite Trump’s opposite: The cuddly teddy bear named for him and, as a founder of America’s National Park Service, he was a pioneering conservationist.  

With diplomacy like this…

Ted Malloch isn’t playing the part of suave ambassador, he came onto the scene swinging, doing his best to knock down the single market currency. Using jargon meant to grab a currency trader’s attention, he tried to rattle the marketplace when he said to BBC: “The one thing I would do in 2017 is short the Euro”. He failed to panic the market, as the Euro remained weak but didn’t crash, no matter how often his opinion was repeated across the press. It was Sterling’s strength-rising four cents over the Euro following the Supreme Court’s ruling regarding triggering Article 50, that kept the Euro weak.

Malloch has said he’s Trump’s pick for EU ambassador, but he’s meant to wait until the new Secretary of State, former ExxonMobile executive, Rex Tillerson can appoint him to his post.  Trump’s officials “cleaned house” at the State Department, firing four most senior managers as many left en masse citing concerns about future foreign service policies under Tillerson and Trump. 

A preview of what foreign governments can expect from Trump’s diplomatic team is Malloch's interview by BBC economics editor Kamal Ahmed in an article titled: “Euro ‘could fail’ says man tipped as US ambassador to EU”.  The soon-to-be-ambassador makes no secret of his disdain for Europe and, he clearly, like Trump, loves the spotlight. 

An academic at the Oxford business school, Malloch has authored 14 books (Does this impress a President who admits he doesn’t read?), using his full name, which is, admittedly a bit clunky to trot out for every interview.  Another moniker for Malloch was bestowed upon him by Lady Margaret Thatcher, who called him “a global Sherpa”. He’s keen to showcase this international ability to guide the globe in his latest book titled: My Life Behind the Elite Curtain as a Global Sherpa. One economic article includes the question: “Will entrepreneurship vanish in America, as it has, more or less, in Europe?” 

Media master

In a November 17, 2016 interview on BBC’s News Night, Malloch’s insights about President-elect Trump were sought. After “being involved in the campaign for a year and a half”, Malloch, a key advisor to Trump, then hoping for ambassadorship to the UK, said “The media gets Trump wrong almost constantly.” He argued Trump’s first call was to the Prime Minister when he was elected-which simply isn’t so. Losing that battle, he went all coy, switching tactic to blurt out that the proof that Trump loves the UK was that he’d “let it slip that he called May ‘his Maggie’ “. 

He’s dismissive of Nigel Farage, arguing that Farage isn't an important Trump advisor. This is odd given that Farage introduced him to Trump and also that Trump suggested Farage as UK ambassador to the US. Farage was a key advisor, buzzing around the gold coloured corridors of Trump Tower like a bee wiggling into a honey pot. Malloch doesn’t see him featuring importantly in Trump’s future schedule, but guess who he expects will?  He predicts Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin will share a bromance, his tone insulting, he dismisses the annexation of Crimea, lecturing the interviewer to “remember your history”. 

Do you Brits fancy a rich American uncle?

Malloch is disseminating Trump’s foreign policy and he absolutely knows what he’s doing as the Chairman and CEO of a “thought leadership company”, in his own words. He “conceptualizes and executes some of today’s most dynamic international projects”.  Malloch saying an attempt by the EU to block Britain beginning negotiations with the US would be "absurd" and “like a husband trying to stop his wife having an affair" is a preview of his provocative performance style in his upcoming role. 

In a January 14th article for The Times, Malloch said that Britain could be helped in Brexit negotiations by America playing the role of the “rich uncle”, but he didn’t stipulate what the UK would be expected to do to repay this largesse.  He said he’d advise the US president to “offer the UK a ‘game-changing’ trade deal with America, giving leverage over Brussels during talks”. He’d also suggested Trump make this offer to EU countries, bilaterally, undermining the current institution responsible, the European Commission. 

Malloch: Trump’s mouthpiece

Trump’s messenger also informed the EU Commission that Trump would rubbish the current deal being negotiated between the US and EU. In describing Trump as “very pro-European”, but “not well disposed towards the European Union, or other supernatural organisations-particularly one that is encumbered by bureaucracy” Malloch, as Trump’s mouthpiece, ascribes his own rhetoric to the less eloquent speaker. 

Former EU Ambassador Anthony Gardner said Trump’s team had rung him with but one single question that revealed Trump’s anti-EU stance: “Who’s going to Brexit next?” Gardner said Nigel Farage was responsible for the ridiculously simplistic perception he called “a caricature.” He says that Trump’s sentiments weren’t a surprise to Brussels and that he was speaking out because: “I might as well go out in a ball of flames.”

Coincidentally, that’s what the US’s new EU attaché hopes to see in future for the Euro and the EU.